Hi. I’ve missed you guys.
I’m approaching the last chapter of my sequel, and so I’m engrossed in, and bedeviled by, Lou and Sarah’s otherworldly tribulations. I’ve no time for therapeutic trials and thusly: you, my magnanimous psychologist. I’d hoped that by this point in our relationship you’d have completed the extra schooling and would be certified to distribute mood stabilizers…alas, we’re both disappointed and must proceed in love with unconditional forgiveness.
What have you been up to? Any new tragedies? Happinesses? Family members? My condolences and congratulations. I’m here for you if you need anything.
I’ve been writing writing writing, with the occasional baby-Jack tickle romp and duo-daughter zombie game. Rich was called, somewhat unexpectedly, to New York/Philly for a few trips, so I was left to tackle my demons by my narcissistic self. I can’t say that I was entirely successful–I left more than one subversively nasty text message–but I made it through without spontaneously combusting, so I consider it a win.
In between trips, Rich ordered me a night out with old friends. Before you send him an edible arrangement, understand this: if he doesn’t do these spontaneous generosities, he’ll one day come home to find that I’ve been asphyxiated by a pile of laundry, my children gripping my rigor mortised extremities, pleading for one more handful of twizzlers before bed. And who would be left to care for three sticky hyenas? So put down your pom pons. It’s self preservation.
So at midnight I put on something I hoped was sexy, got in the car and hightailed it to the nearest latin club with my friends Samantha and Chris. It was a glorious reunion, made golden by the appreciative flirtations of my most affected audience: latinos. If only Ohio State Greek row had been populated by the same matrix, I might have had a chance. White boy noa speaka mya language.
So I danced my vodka off and had a blast. It was a huge sacrifice on the part of my Samantha, who had to work early the next morning. Everyone stop what you’re doing and shout THANK YOU, SAM!! for me. She’ll love it.
Anyway, wish me luck with the book. I channel reciprocation to anything for which you need good thoughts. Talk to you guys soon.